


Roasted

by Plagg



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Gen, and i wanted to write something allura centric, i made myself laugh so maybe this is funny?, its late
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-25
Updated: 2016-07-25
Packaged: 2018-07-26 14:18:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,631
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7577332
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Plagg/pseuds/Plagg
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“I can’t believe we all got roasted by a princess.” - Lance, after the entire team gets roasted by an irritated Allura. It was Hunk's fault.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Roasted

The paladins laughed together as they reentered the castle, shoving and teasing after their training.  “We were awesome out there!” Lance praised, puffing his chest, “I mean, especially me and Hunk!  If it weren’t for us, this whole thing would’ve been a disaster!”

“You two are the ones that made us _break dance_ ,” Pidge reminded Lance, scowling at him.

“That’s because you and Keith refused to dab!” Lance said.

“You guys need to take this more seriously,” Shiro fussed from behind, Allura by his side.

Lance huffed and rolled his eyes, “We’re plenty serious!”

That one got a laugh out of Keith.  “ _You_ couldn’t be serious if you had a bomb strapped to you!”

“Keith,” Shiro warned.  “It’s not like you’re the epitome of stoic, either.”

“I’m nowhere near as bad as _Lance_ , though!” Keith defended, utterly offended that Shiro would even consider them on the same spectrum.  Everyone erupted into arguments, shouting and fussing at each other.  It only took a record 30 ticks for Allura to snap.

“ _ENOUGH!_ ” the princess shouted, effectively shutting up all five paladins.  “ _All five_ of you need to learn control and you need _desperately_ to mature!  You’re like monkeys with the way you act; it’s a wonder anyone in the universe takes you seriously!”

Silence filled the room as they all stared at Allura as if she’d grown another head.  After a few moments when it appeared that she was finally simmering down, Hunk piped up.

“No offense, princess, but do you really, y’know, _know_ us?” he asked, earning the deathly glare that practically bore holes through him.  “I mean – you act like you understand us perfectly, but do you really know what we even act like when we’re _not_ Voltron?” 

The other four paladins backed up, not wanting to attract any anger from Allura.  But, they did not get the expected reaction from her.  Allura stood up straight, relaxing her clenched hands and tensed shoulders as she spoke.  “You do not believe I know who you all are individually?  Alright…stay here.”

With that, she took off into the castle, leaving the five to send worried glances Hunk’s way.

“Dude, you’re fucked,” Lance eventually said.

“Lance, language.”

“Doesn’t matter if we’re all dying via beautiful princess!”

~~*~~

Eventually, Allura returned.  Wearing Hunk’s clothes.

“Whaaaat’s going on?” Hunk asked as the nervous energy in the room stirred back up. 

Allura cleared her throat before tossing her shoulders back and pulling a huge grin.  “I’m Hunk!” she shouted.  “I can fix the _entire_ ship all by myself!  No, no, princess, you’ll get hurt!  Let me do it!”  she stomped around the room, finding a nearly cleaned bowl of food goo that she heaved into the crook of her arm.  “Boy, do I _love_ food and cooking!  My skills are far superior to Coran’s!  Who wants to watch me put away this entire bowl all by myself?!”  She had to hold in her own giggles as she tossed the bowl down and ran toward Lance and Keith on the couch.  “Man, aren’t we just _so close_?!” she cooed, squeezing the two boys tightly to herself.  “I’m always right and you know it, right?!  Oh, oh!  Can we go see Shay?!  Not like I like her, though!”

“OK, OK, we get it,” Hunk deadpanned.  “You know me; are you done now?”

Allura glared, getting up and crossing her arms.  “Not even close.”  With that, she was back out the door, a stomp to her step. 

When Allura returned, she was dressed in Lance’s clothes.

“Oh this should be good,” Lance said with a smirk.  “Bring on the praises, I’m ready!”

Allura snickered before taking in a breath.  “I’m Lance!” she shouted as loud as she could.  “I like to argue and pick on Keith because I secretly admire him!”

Lance’s smug face dropped to one of pure terror as he heard the impending shitstorm brewing beside him.

“Boy, do I love to flirt, flirt, flirt!” Allura continued, marching across the room dramatically.  She sung random lyrics to songs she’d heard the blue paladin belt from day-to-day, which earned loud laughter from the others.  “I think I’m so cool, but every girl I attempt to court either rejects me or is _bad_.  What I wouldn’t do for validation!  Especially from Shiro!  Oh _dios mio!”_  

Allura paused right in front of Lance, pulling the best shit-eating grin that rivaled Lance’s.  To say the boy was blushing would be an understatement.  It was more like he was a volcano readying to erupt, and that eruption would be every blood vessel in his entire face and neck and ears.  It was the greatest thing any of them had ever seen.

“OK, I think we’re done here!” Lance hopped up.  “We’ve had a laugh, had our fun, now isn’t it time we do some, I don’t know, training?  Bonding exercises?”

Allura giggled and shook her head.  “Sit back down, I’m not done here.”  Back out the door she went, laughing up a storm.  Shiro, Pidge, and Keith looked to each other, knowing one of them was next.  All they could do was hope it was someone else.

When Allura returned this third time, she wore Keith’s clothes, which allowed Lance to laugh.  Allura walked to the farthest corner of the room, tossing her hair over her should before she leaned against the wall.

“I’m Keith,” she mumbled as she crossed her arms and propped a foot up on the wall.  “I listen to really loud music but never, ever talk unless someone talks to me first.  I’m always really angry for no reason, probably just insecurities…”

Lance and Pidge had a hard time keeping it together, leaning against each other to hold in their laughter.  Keith’s glare did nothing to shock them, so he was just left to slump against the sofa and hope the princess went easy on him.

“I’m reckless and would do anything to protect my teammates…except Lance, screw him.”

OK, Keith had to admit that one was accurate.

Then, Allura pushed off from the wall and raced toward the others, falling dramatically against Shiro.  “Oh, Shiro!  You’re the best!  You’re the only one here who makes any sense!”  _Uh-oh_.  “Hunk, Big Guy, you make the world a little brighter!  Even if I don’t like the sunlight!”  _This isn’t fun anymore_.  “Pidge!  You’re so tiny, I just wanna put you in my pocket!”  _The princess has a big mouth_.  “Laaaaance, why are even we even rivals at this point?  You’re more like a best friend to me!  Which is something I never wanted, yet you weaseled your way into this cold heart!”

“And, you’re done!” Keith hopped up and tugged Allura off of Lance, pushing her towards the door.  He plopped back down as she started to leave, groaning into his folded arms.  He could practically feel the smirk on Lance’s face beside him.

Next, Allura showed up in Pidge’s clothes.  As she ran in, she snatched the glasses off of Pidge’s nose and slipped them on.  “I’m Pidge!” she shouted, spreading her arms and she spun on one foot.  “I love robots more than people!”

OK, that was just plain accurate.

Allura pulled dramatic poses, seeming to enjoy this one the most, before speaking again.

“Oh, princess!  Have you ever had a crush?  Can you tell me what it’s like?”

“Allura!” Pidge shouted, readying to pounce.  Lance snatched them by the waist.

“I love peanut butter, but not peanuts!  Pa-choo, pa-choo!”  She fired around fake guns, pulling more and more poses as she went.  “Lance is a huge dork, but he’s really cool.  Princess, where are we going?!  Coran, can I have this?  It _won’t_ be returned!”  She pushed up the glasses and gave an evil snicker before running at Hunk.  “PIGGYBACK RIDE!”

“Wait – Princess!”  Before Hunk could do anything, Allura jumped on his back.

“Carry me, I’m too small to keep up anyway!  Oh, never mind!  I’ll get Lance to do it!”

“Are you done yet?!” Pidge shouted, snatching their glasses off Allura’s nose. 

“Alright, alright…”  Allura left, turning around just in time to see Pidge curling up on the sofa in a tight little ball.  This was too much fun.

They all knew there was only one left, and the four youngest gave Shiro their sympathies before Allura returned.  None of them knew how hard she’d be on him, not even Shiro, so when she came in, they all braced for the worst.

Allura took in a deep breath, then set a hard glare.  “Paladins!” she said in as booming of a voice as she could muster.  “I am Shiro!  We need to work hard and do whatever Allura says!”  She marched over to them, hands on her hips as she hiked up the black pants.  “Lance, sit up straight!”

“Yes ma’am – uh, s-sir?”

Allura grunted as she stood back up straight, “We need to work on forming Voltron!  I can’t just slice everything up with my arm all the time!”  She waved her arm around, slashing the air as she danced around the room.  “My hair gets whiter just seeing you four walk into the room!”

Then, she switched gears and dashed back to the paladins with worry etched on her face.  “Did you eat enough?  Sleep enough?  Are you alright?  Should we do another team-building exercise?  Lance!  Stop acting so childish!”

“Why just me?!”

Allura backed away, a smirk on her face.  “There,” she said in her voice, “still think I don’t know you five well?”

“We get it…” Hunk mumbled.

“Good!  Now, get cleaned up for dinner.”  She walked out, and all five paladins watched her leave.  It was Lance that finally figured out something to say, though the others wished he hadn’t.

“I can’t believe we all got roasted by a princess.”

**Author's Note:**

> I would thank Allura if she roasted me. God, I'm so gay for Allura. We don't deserve her.


End file.
